So when does "going out for one drink" = giving some guy an HJ on the sidewalk?!?
the best part is my dad got arrested for the same thing at the same bar 30 years ago... so he cant be mad
I'm going to email her once I get off the bathroom floor
I just compared drinking to love. How do these people not know I'm an alcoholic?
I woke up naked in his kitchen...His name is Mike and we're having a "what happened last night" beer.
last night a police horse bit me when i was wasted. even the animal kingdom knows i'm no good
I was on my way last night when some asshole yelled "make better life choices" out the window of his car. I felt so self conscious I went home.
Somehow I've got the party rigged to where I get a foot massage every time someone wants a beer out of the fridge. Hellz yeah
You were asking her how her mother would feel if y'all dated, etc. And I was yelling at you your girlfriends name over and over again in between gags and sobs.
I guess I'll just chalk it up as a learning experience and a lot of great sex.
I want to wear Christmas sweaters with you.
IM SO HIGH RIGHT NOW, IM WHAT ROCKET MAN WANTED TO BE WHEN HE GREW UP. ELTON JOHN CAN BLOW ME.
He sent me a slow motion video of him jerking off...it was so long (the video not his dick) even I felt awkward watching it alone
It's so hard to fall asleep when I can hear your genitals smacking against hers. I hate you with all the love in my heart.
When I met you, I was just like "who the fuck is this drunk chick throwing up on my bed?" But I'm glad we're friends now
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