Is it sad i was sitting here thinkin how i would only fuck Rob Pattinson if he was glittery at said time.
He had personality for days, but cock for only minutes
I wish the health center treadmills counted beers burned not calories
You texted me "Americans are sad" and "chicken coop disaster" without any further explanation.
Ha, I bet. You tipped the waitress like 10 bucks for a glass of water.
Well. It was around 3 or 4 in the morning. He ran into the woods. Wearing moccasins. Holding an extension cord. He was trying to catch a deer. That about sums up the awesomeness of the night.
The shit show didn't end. it just relocated itself to my apartment instead of yours.
you also need to get my treadmill fixed.
I can't even tell you how many rave sticks I tore apart with my teeth last night.
i'm sad to say... seems like women around here set up their armageddon booty calls ahead of time. wanna fill all these condoms with tequila and head downtown???
I still count it as showing your tits. Even though the wall was the only one who saw anything. Your boyfriend was pissed.
Xanax and an ambien. And wine. I'm just waiting for mouth to mouth from some hot EMT. Sort of like the slutty girls version of sleeping beauty
Why am I getting texts saying are you ready for this butthole? Help
Fuckin wine wasted last night. Found my pants in the toilet this morning.
She tried to gratify me left handed. Let's just say I've been placed on the 15 day DL.
Yeah. I got a Tetnus shot then partied like it was 1999.
Randomize
