He wanted me to blow him while he was playing guitar hero. there will not be a second date
How do you wash franks red hot sauce, whip cream, grapejuice and shame out of silk?
I would just throw it away. You cant just wash out shame, it has to soak for like a month.
It's like my work doesn't even care about margarita mondays.
I'm making celebratory pizza rolls. They're a lot like regular pizza rolls, but without the taste of shame.
They were greeting people getting off the 48 with green beers and cheers. The one day I decide not to take the bus home...
Dude. I kneed him in the face and gave him a black eye. It's like a constant reminder of our hookup. I feel like herpes. I never go away...
Nothing like wearing your heels and smelling like henney in the afternoon
Covered in confetti and bad decisions
Stripper with the black hair and lip rings is still asleep. Found out she wasn't lying when she said she was a squirter, it was like splash mountain.
The cab driver just showed us a POV shot of himself getting ridden by a chick he took with his flip phone. Confirmed not taken in cab. Gonna be a good night...
I just ran into mom and dad day drinking at the bar while I skipped class and was day drinking at the same bar.
We got a noise complaint for vacuuming too much but not for getting really high and yelling about peanut butter
He just started dry humping the air... I'm done
Pretty sure the waitress here is concerned about well being bc I've been here drinking by myself for 3 hours. If only I could show here FB so she'd know I'm not alone...
The drag queen you used to date and the girl you brought over last night are discussing your sex noises in my living room. I'm changing my locks.
bitch, i have a flask. i've got things under control.
god. marry me.
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