Im watching he's just not that into you, eating way too much pizza, and feeling very single.
walk of shame into the pharmacy with a busted up chin and laughing the lady at the counter rolled her eyes at me when I asked for the morning after pill.
I was in the freezer we were knocking over shit. Speaking of which i asked my boss. I can hook up with girls in the freezer
Yeah just sayin. Whenever you want to come over and wank me off you can
Chuck job is nothing more than to be my dick stand when I'm too drunk to hold it while pissing
How much morphine is too much? Keep in mind that I'm going to my graduation dinner with my parents.
Thanks for letting me in last night. I was drunkenly sleepwalking.
But I REALLY want to hide my crazy for as long as possible with him so he'll date me.
Tried to land my foot on his shoulder and kicked him in the face. Then I fell into a homeless man's bike and posed with a buffalo head. How was your night?
You dropped a beer and it was like when wilson floated away. Complete with sobbing apologies
Shit, no womder she didn't wanna fuck me
My Midnight Kiss was a Big Mac.. Happy New Year
Your brother's naked in the courtyard again. Just a head's up.
I dipped out before he woke up, but I made sure to take the pizza with me.
Like tbh you're not doing anything that screams I'm drunk and yet nothing says I'm going to spend $30 on McDonalds and make out with a stranger like that picture
Omg. I can't go on a date with this man. His kids are too ugly.
Of course his biggest mistake was assuming that I ever gave a fuck to begin with.
Randomize
