please say your awake. the girl i brought home last night...any idea on a name? she isnt up yet...
he asked me out through an event invitation on facebook, the title read Romantic Dinner For 2
I'm sitting by myself in my bra eating a waffle and drinking pineapple rum. gamedaaaayyyyyyy
the only thing coherent you said from what i saw of you is when you were throwing up, i asked if you were done and you just "uh huh you know what it is"
He sent me a picture of him bent over showing his asshole with the caption "vwahla".... No more tequila for either of you
Received a verbal warning at work for "riding in a trash receptacle, violating professionalism & infection control."
??I have an official piece of documentation saying you are banned from Las Vegas.
i love you man. i hope we fuck some serious shit up this summer.
Can we go out and do something semi fancy soon? I feel like wearing a dress and pretending to be an adult.
Omg no. We ate a raw pumpkin last nighr. We dipped it in BBQ sauce.
Some girl is sitting topless in the kitchen and having a Skype video chat with some guy. I already like it here.
I have a 30 pack and enough condoms to last until tomorrow morning. Have Mystery Science Theater 3000 ready. I'm on my way over.
Oh yeah, you are a real peach except for shitting uncontrollably and bleeding out of your face.
yeah i'm making him "thanks for letting me befriend your toilet" cookies. wanna help? i'm sure you'll be making new friends too.
I woke up to a gigantic ft-long tootsie roll and a note by drunk me with the words "you're welcome"
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