I heard you threw up in your lap?
I heard that too.
wait one more day. tuesday is my official "i hit on you and/or we hooked up this weekend" friend request day.
Shaking her cervix like it's the hottest ticket around
oh and if she happens to say anything about a cantalope and tissues... just go with it
Don't freak out about the couches in the driveway. We tried to unpack the uhaul drunk.
Is it mean to convince my old booty call she used me for sex so I can bang her again before I leave for Denver?
Kellie accidentally ran into the car with two teenagers making out. made a big thud. there was a loud scream and she was gone...haven't seen her since
Got stuck at my fwb place for three days because I decided sex was more important than my safety in the weather. Worth it.
I'm sitting here with a band aid on my labia, this is a first
I just found a piece of dried shredded carrot on my bed
When we got into his bed, his damn parrot started making sex noises in the other room
Did you see her happy birthday to emily on facebook? The gist of it is like: hey emily you almost died at birth im glad you didn't. love mom.
Apparently the girl he banged in the bathroom yelled at him for hitting on me all night. But whatever, he was holding her hand for most of it
DON NOT, UNDER ANY CIRCUMSTANCES WATCH CLOWN PORN.
No I got a fucking mosquito bite on my vagina. Summer is off to a bumpy start.
Randomize
