my mario cart skills improve with alchohol. and i think my real car skills do to but the cop didnt see my logic
do you have any idea why i woke up naked spooning my toaster?
it got awkward when she realized that our nickname for her was "The Hambeast"
She's grinding on a deaf black man and I'm the interpreter.
I think throwing up in my her purse is probably why we broke up
I couldn't be mad. She was crying because she fell bare ass into the rose bush trying to pee. So I held her up mid-stream and she peed on my feet. No big
I sat on my couch last night watching What Women Want, eating ice cream, and sobbing "why doesn't she like me?" Why was I born a man?
Just want to let you know thanks for setting the bar pretty low when it comes to girls.
I wound up running down the street in 12 degree weather in just my bra and then fell asleep cuddling my bottle. You tell me how last night went.
He sent me a dick pic from his living room and it has pictures of his three kids in the background
He said he didn't want to go down on me so I told him we were going to have an oral stalemate.
On another note I am sitting in my bed naked, buzzed, and working on a notecard for my 8:00am test tomorrow. I think I need to make better choices.
This whole pope visit thing is ruining me having sex.
sometimes i like to lay one the floor and pretend im a carrot.
I'm gonna make out with this 38 yr old. Mark my words. I don't even have daddy issues.
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