My mom said she was relieved to see that I'd gained some weight bc she's "always worried" that I might have AIDS.
Found a bar with a washer and dryer and they serve food. I never have to leave
Its that time of year where we just drink more instead of dressing warmer
we're about an hour out, how's the weather?
cloudy with a chance of strippers and cocaine, you're favorite. welcome home.
Every time you come over you bleed on everything. I'm not calling Verizon again asking if blood is considered water damage.
Idk if you remember me telling you about him, but I gave him a hj under the stars. Kind of added a little disney aspect to the whole experience.
It was like the perfect storm of bad decisions.
u r missing out we r watching a tranny direct traffic in a gstring
Priorities: waking up on your doorstep desperately clutching half a meatball marinara but with no sign of your keys, purse or housemate. Where are you?!
Just puke n rally. People can't judge, it's syllabus week.
But I do know they give away thousands and thousands in booze
My liver has a boner
Best feeling in the world is getting a random boob pic from a drunk chick at 3 am.
Major life highlight, she said my dick taste like coffee.
She just walked out of her bedroom naked and asked me to help put her diaper on. Yeah, that pretty much sums up the last 24 hours...
It's so weird fucking this kids aunt then going to the gym with him everyday, but my sick minded self loves it.
Randomize
