There is no way when we get home that nothing will hapen
I just found a beer bottle in my xmas tree while disassembling it. God, I'm going to miss the holidays.
There's a lady carrying her kids toy animals in a crown royal bag. Mom of the year.
I don't talk to her anymore. I lit her birthday presents on fire. Who the fuck puts candles that close to tissue paper?
I just had a 30 minute fake cell phone conversation with myself just to avoid hooking up with the drunk guy next to me. its like an art form.
I just saw that cheerleader from u of arkansas that I hooked up with over spring break on espn. My parents would be so proud.
I just had to dig under a pile of condoms in my desk drawer to get to a blue book. Summer is officially over.
I'll be so proud. Like a proud mama bear freeing my slut cub into the wild.
If you hear a sad honk in the wind it is me.
I was cracking open beer cans, throwing them off the roof, and yelling "FRAG OUT!"
SHUN THE NONBELIEVERS. THUS SAYS THE NIPPLE LORD
We are all yelling at the cat at our apt in nothing but our underwear. How do you think it's going.
Tried to put an eye patch on while hooking up with a girl. She was not amused.
Welcome to the club of "Sick of cleaning up actual shit." We meet on the 3rd Sunday of each month. Bring your ceremonial viking helmet.
Dude, putting on underwear straight out of the dryer is the greatest thing ever. It feels like I wrapped my vagina in a warm blanket.
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