Contrary to popular belief, while 19 is an attractive age, it does not equate to sexual prowess.
wasted. watching meteors, awesome idea i ever had, see 2 for every 1 with ma double vision
Why do I always give away anal sex as birthday presents?
Shut up... one mans birthday cake is another mans sodomy my friend
She looks makes a Zellweger face when she cums, she's keeps asking why I call her renee
Her legal name is Candy. Her being a whore is implied.
This is to remind you the pizza is in the dishwasher birthday boy eat it before it goes on
Dude I reek of $2.50 pitchers, $1 off/pack marlboro cigs, and fear.
Fear?
FEAR.
Currently smoking a blunt with my one night stand's mom. I don't know how I should feel about this.
The way I kissed her was actually pretty charming and then it devolved to car sex
god dammit I AM NO LONGER PUTTING UP WITH YOUR HETEROSEXUALITY I QUIT
If it exists, I've probably pregamed it.
I'm bringing home frosties. I need to talk about butt stuff.
new low: I blocked him from seeing my snapchat story in hopes he will text me because he'll be afraid I'm dead or something
I went to finger her and found a penny. I think ill keep it.
You took a bite of the snack wrap put it down and fell asleep and when you woke up ten minutes later you asked how it got there, dipped it in soda ate it and fell back asleep.
Randomize
