My little brother has some high school girls in my pool, it's like a jailbait buffet in my backyard
When I was her age, Pluto was still a planet... but i said what the hell
yeah, but the likliness of me finding my husband at a party where the facebook event is titled "NEW YEARS EVE SHIT SHOW" is highly unlikely
Talking to a male stripper. About the LSAT. Only in Vegas.
I am literally sitting on the toilet in utter disbelieve that last night even happened. My god that was only Monday.
I want to miss work tomorrow on account of violent projective vomit... Make it happen
I'm hungry
Come here to eat and play. It'll be like Dave and Busters except with sex
At least I can pee in a cup like a champ at this point
just woke up under a car ? That's odd
Holy fucking shit
WAIT BUT IM WEARING A BACKPACK THAT MAGICALLY HAS 30 BEERS IN IT
We found her on the doorstep. Just layin down going, "I made it home!! Aren't you proud??!"
i mean i'm drinking free wine with lesbians and listening to sinead oconnor so i'm not sure who won that breakup
Whip out the absinthe and the taquitos, this motherfucker just passed the bar.
She tried deep frying a banana by placing one, unpeeled, into a toaster.
Stop fucking Sharon's exes.
Sorry it took me so long to reply. I was fucking Sharon's ex.
Taco Bell is better for you than cocaine, I promise.
Randomize
