i just wanna skin you and wear you like last years versace.
you may have the big hair, fake nails, and talk with a fake accent, but you will NEVER be a housewife from new jersey so STOP TRYING.
xbox live and facebook are tricking me into believing I actually have an active social life
i just ate something from under my fingernail. i dont know what it was, but it tasted half decent
in hindsight, drinking 2 bottles of wine probably wasnt going to put me in an optimal position for a job interview
look out your window.... he's holding his iphone up like a boombox playing you beach boys
That's like lying to my vagina. I can't betray it like that.
Going to the hospital for stitches on my balls. Mom walked in on me manscaping with an electric razor. Tell NOBODY.
On a side note Tyler is buying beer from a gas station in a panda suit priceless
So heartbroken my rebound has a rebound
You know when you get a stripper pays your bail. You got good wood.
Fuck romance. Just shaved my nipples in the shower because I felt like it. That's the life I'm about.
I have never fucking hated the horrible sound of dozens of off-key recorders BLARING their fucked rendition of "Fais Do-Do" in unison against the screams of an adult male... more than I do now. This is why people avoid teaching. Kill me. End it all.
I spent all the money my grandpa gave me for Christmas last night….solid start to 2015
Observations from Vegas: #1. Strippers pasties pose a choking hazard. #2. Best. Heimlich. Ever.
It isn't about the beer pong. It is about the destruction of the patriarchy.
Randomize
