3:47a: I take it you're not on your way over
oh there is nothing like the 1st beerbong of the school year
Legit I think I might have gotten hepatitis C from licking the window of that last cab.
I have your dog in a headlock. Se wants my mushrooms.
I apparently spent $173 at the bar last night. The proof is in the vomit on my pillow and the receipt I tried to clean it up with.
There was a fucking SNAKE in the urinal. WHAT THE FUCK
Just did a walk of shame dressed as a cowgirl and walked past his ex's entire sorority. Yippee kye aye, motherfucker.
almost got into it with the cashier. bitch dont look at me like that just cuz im only buying wine and icing. ill fight.
I lost the bet. I now have to do all chores sans clothing of any kind. I give it a week before I'm knocked up...
It was only in the sobering silence of the wilderness on the mountain, after I was too tired to talk anymore and I also didn't want to tell Julian that we were lost, that I realized how super tripped out I had been the entire time...
I just picked up my phone and one shoe from the man mowing the lawn next to the ice rink. He found them in a tree.
Things I Learned Tonight: I have no future in goat wrangling. Herding. Whatever you call the ridiculosity that just transpired.
he said he was going to fuck me like a rabbit in heat. What he should have said was faster then a train and over before a commercial
Oh, btw, UPS might come by. Drunk me ordered us $75 worth of gummy airhead starburst type candies. Whatever it is, it'll be delicious.
Banged a girl last night wearing nothing but my Team USA Olympic jersey. I think it's safe to say that nut was for America.
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