I thought I drunk dialed Adam last night and left him a voicemail. I just checked my phone. I realize I left a drunk voicemail with my son's teacher.
Houston.. we have a drinking problem..
If I've learned one thing today? Blow jobs get you to state championships.
Alright. Who did it? Who's bangin' the ump?
He just randomly started talking about Haiti and Conan O'Brien and his grandpa's hip replacement operation. It was the worst phone sex I've ever had.
My mom gave me a book called "why good people do bad things"
I didn't realize you were one of the "good people"
Is a wave an appropriate goodbye when your one night stand wakes up and walks out towards the door while you are looking through the garbage for the evidence of a condom?
No. I'm just saying it shows no signs of stopping. My dad was a man-whore well into his 50s.
It's not a good hook up if during you're thinking "how will this damage me psychologically"
Why would you hook up with someone whos known for peeibg in someones mouth
Oh thank the gods of upholstery, i thought that was never coming out...
Just had a threesome with a hot Turkish guy and an even hotter French lawyer. This what happens when I travel alone. You have only yourself to blame for this.
just had to get on my knees to snort an addy off the little sink at the daycare. teacher of the year!
You've slept with someone mentioned in the NY Times, that officially makes you the most famous person I know.
all I remember is screming at her "I want you and your tortillas... DEAD"
You're like a care bear with a big cock & a sexual prowess that would put the mighty Thor to shame.
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