okay I'm thinking he doens't have a facebook...I'm on page 28 of Hunters
ok you need to stop NOW
You spend 45 minutes trying to convince that pregnant girl you were with all night to have sex with you cause 'the worst had already happened.'
you should give me head with plastic fangs in
This is all my moms fault. She shouldn't have encouraged my weird fascinations as a child
The problem with never associating with your roommate is that you never know if they're dead in their room with the door closed or just gone for the weekend...I sprayed some febreeze just in case.
the amount of chicks and firearms here is unnerving. this will end awesomely or at the morgue.
Maybe if he'd step up his game and get a real job instead of donating plasma and trying to grow pot then you wouldn't feel compelled to write prisoners in Oregon.
Where are you in relation to the mariatchi band?
Dude, I came home and you were passed out halfway through the front door in your Minnie Mouse outfit... with a beer still in hand
I'm drunk and I have your birth certificate
Fair warning birthday party last night avoid kitchen & upstairs bathroom if you value your remaining sanity
I'm hungry, horney and thirsty. Pick two you want to help out with.(please pick horney)
All I remember is the bartender saying your sucking them down and waking up on the floor in my underwear
listen I need taco bell and an orgasm within the next hour. I'll leave the order in which you provide those things up to you
Found someone cuddling with my Uggs this morning. Guess the hundred pillows laying next to him weren't good enough.
Randomize
