She def said "you had your chance!" after telling me she had a boyfriend. Like a pile of dogshit lecturing me on how I missed out on having itself stuck to the bottom of my shoe.
She called it mighty mouse.. And from there it was down hill
You can't date a girl from every country.
I'm the captain planet of women
She went to the bathroom before i broke up with her so i changed all 2500 of her songs on her computer to "I'm a cheating whore"
You were telling me to give my phone mouth to mouth so it wouldn't die.. Should i be worried for you?
and if my full six pack comes in by Halloween there is no stopping the man slut costume. I have no shame
I can feel my teeth in 4 dimensions. I shouldnt be this high at 8 in the morning.
I woke up in a bunk bed beside two Brazilians dude you have no idea how happy I was
The Wolf of Wall Street “I ain’t fuckin’ leaving!” speech when the cops broke up your party though...
Taking dicks and breaking hearts, no better life
Then, he ate me out while I watched Bo Burnham. Best. Night. Ever.
rest in peace liver.
It was nice having you occupy space in my body that could be holding beer n chicken.
that's going in my livers obituary.
honestly, you deserve someone taller anyways
i just remember singing the theme song from 2 and 1/2 men to my hair
He's a college graduate, has an excellent job, and respects his family. To say nothing of his 8.5 inch cock. His narcolepsy not withstanding...I'm marrying this motherfucker.
Randomize
