we were both hunting dick last night. it ended terribly for both of us.
Whats contracted in vegas does not stay in vegas....
Soooo billy mays was on coke. I'm about as shocked as I was when Clay Aiken came out
imagine if we didn have a dick. we would be so much more productive
You sprayed lemon pledge on your crotch because it was "dusty"
I woke up this morning with my hair wrecked, a split lip, and an "H" on my right knee and a "I!" on my other knee.
Going out so taking the 2nd 1/2 of beer w/ me ont'tube in a Pringles tube. I give money to people on the street that have more self respect.
I was stumbling so much, men walking behind us were shouting "don't hit the pole! don't hit the pole!" whenever I was near a telephone pole.
That awkward moment when you can't tell what smells like tacos: you, the cat, or the strange guys blanket your so tenderly swaddled in.
I wore granny panties last night to ensure I didn't sleep with him. He said they made me seem more mature. I need a new plan
Blah blah blah. Just come home and put a baby in me.
He showed up at my apartment drunk with a telescope wanting me to look at the "blown up star" in -24 degree weather, claiming "it's in the name if science"
He bought the 12 pack of condoms. I take that as a sign of serious commitment.
He won't leave and I need to take a shit and vomit, quite possibly at the same time.
I'm gonna cum garlic butter
Randomize
