So she couldn't stop dragging her teeth while she was blowing me.
Ahh dude, that fucking sucks, what'd you do about it?
Decided to drag my teeth while eating her out... She got the point.
Babe! I just farted and I swear to jesus lord christ that it sounded like ur name! Ok, more like Meeatt but still... awesome.
so pretty much your parents know your seeing a girl on the side, let her come over and just dont say anything to your girlfriend?
TLC. RIGHT NOW. PRIMORDIAL TODDLERS.
started her walk of shame as my mom and dad walked through my common room door...my dad held the door for her and told her to have a nice day
My choices this week make me realize that I need to copyright the term "cock buffet"
I ate cinnamon toast crunch. I'm officially out of the puke zone. Blackout drunk Friday. WHAT IS GOOD.
Your whole purpose in life is to just float around and satisfy lonely women and also join lesbian couples in threesomes.
I miss the good ol days when id just come home from school and thered be a costco size box of condoms on my bed.
my parents really loved me back then.
We got a kitchen table so we would eat together more. So far we've played drunken monopoly and had sex on it.
Yup. Dog walker, house sitter and mistress to the rich, bored and bi-curious. I've got a nice little operation running.
I woke up this morning with 3 phone numbers, a red Chinese New Year envelope with cash in it, and a winning scratcher all stuffed in my bra. I'd say it was a pretty successful Thursday night.
My mom just asked me about the teeth marks on my headboard..
I'm actually on the verge of cancelling a booty call because I have an early meeting tomorrow. If this is what adulthood is going to be like, I'll pass.
My law teacher drew an elephant on the board in class. I was so high that I laughed for 5 minutes straight. Nobody else laughed and everyone stared. 130 people knew I was high.
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