high people should be assigned attendants
they got in a fight during sex...she came out yelling and covered in chocolate
Fact: my bamboo plant has grown 2 & 1/2 inches since I started watering it with bong water
I'm starting to think The only feelings I have anymore are drunk and hung over
you can't hurt those
I am currently sitting on a candy bar to warm it up cause it was in the fridge so I can eat it while watching the last song and smoking weed by myself
"thanks for the sex" was written in lipstick on my bathroom mirror. i'm officially done with random hook ups.
To the person who left a cup of vomit in the bathroom: I commend you for your aim but you are dead to me- not an ideal birthday present.
Who would have guessed that her hair would be so flammable
I hooked up with some guy to get over my ex last night. I was terrified until we started doing naked pushups.
Woke up with two different flip flops on sum burnt at the beach. Who are these French kids plz come back
Instead of asking him how many women he's slept with I just got straight to the point and asked how many Plan B pills he's purchased
I'm just drunk enough to be eating egg rolls on the toilet
Just remembered that I got laid thanks to my glow in the dark Batman belt buckle. Need to wear it more often.
we started drinking at 4pm, somehows its 1 am im in bathing suit running from the cops.....any explanation of what happened?
On cleanup... i've counted 94 solo cups so far.. oh, and i found a miniature top hat in the microwave
Randomize
