NO FUCKING WAY. PLEASE MAKE HER IMPLANT THAT POOR KID INTO A RESPONSIBLE UTERUS.
The Mets? Come back? That'd be like Nickelback writing a good song.
Woke up to 'distilleries' on the history channel. Proceded to vomit all over the floor. Back on the wagon today.
Oh we're fine. I made her a "sorry I peed on you" omelet.
Friends help friends remove their foot from the sunroof after an epic smoke sesh.
sorry can't. you know Saturday is the masturbating day for single sorority girls here.
ps I'm eating candy off our sex sheets. gotta say the only thing better than sweet tarts is sweet tarts with a hint of sex. perfect post vday situation
A man that refers to my vagina in third person is a man after my own heart.
Cause its not a drunken adventure unless someone ends up in a pool
One day we'll be rich enough to go to rehab. Until then, fuck it.
Asking for a friend: is it frowned upon to eat pizza while you materbate or does it just mean you are fantastic at multitasking?
I'm so happy we share a mutual love of laughing at religion.
That same damn squirrel keeps staring at me like I did something wrong. Nature knows when you're hung over.
Last night I made out with two lesbians while dancing with another girl. I'm pretty sure it wasn't even real life.
Last night I actually told him I came with a washer and dryer
Randomize
