matts gf stood and watched my naked ass gather my clothes off his floor this morning. sweet.
Well I think that's a good thing that I'm not full of someone else.
Paddidles count extra in the back of a cop car
You were waisted for 48 hours and the only 3 words you said were yup, sure, and michigan
A girl just asked me to co-sign for her boob job because she didn't have enough credit built up. This is a first.
unrelatedly i think im gonna download boogie nights just to see mark wahlberg's penis
there is a time and a place for ass-grabbing and that was not it.
I just had a boat ride of shame. With Senior Citizens.
I've shit my pants 4 times in 12 hours... Never trust a fart when u pass 30
I can affiliate each flavor of Copenhagen to a different one night stand. I really love Texas.
Reasons why I'm always right: I am older, I am wiser, I have a larger penis
We were getting fries and you hopped the counter and yelled "WELCOME TO GOOD BURGER HOME OF THE GOOD BURGER" and threw up
I think my body knows it's dying and is just shutting down
Woke up in a house I don't know, with someone else's pants on, and wolverine hair, to my girlfriend yelling on the phone about the 4 girls I made out with last
may or may not have snorted a line of tums... wtf.
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