So I fucked an Aussie broad with huge feeders last nite 2x... Before banging her she was blowin me & I thought: "SHE IS GOIN DOWN-UNDER ON ME". Laughed out loud
Man THE POSTAL SERVICE is awesome when I'm high..... But they suck when I'm sober.
Honestly dude, i think you should ignore the restraining order if you really love her.
I took both his daughters virginities. There's no way he won't give me a job
Well if it makes you feel any better I threw up at Roadhouse. And then on the way to the train. And then in a water fountain. And then in a plastic bag on the train.
Something strange is happening to me, I think I miss hooking up with girls sober
Make sure you take the apple pie out of your pocket before you pass out.
Theres a live mouse in the toilet. Goddamn you this is why I don't party here
She's the worst person, but the best naked person
What happened to the good old days when we whispered the words beer pong and people came running?
If you kill yourself you won't get to feel that feeling when you have a good shit in the morning. Arent you gonna miss that?
It threw me off a little. I had to take a moment and ask myself, "Is he really fingering me in his mom's kitchen while I eat a whopper?"
I just named someones junk. I should not be allowed to talk to people.
I just got a handjob in the back of an Uber while a large German dude and a Midwestern fuck-boi sang along in falsetto to the Bohemian Rhapsody.
the weird part wasn't waking up in someone else's underwear, it was how the cat was staring at me like he knew more about last night then i remembered.
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