she fell down the flight of stairs and was fine until she saw the two broken beer bottles on the ground by her.
thats a woman
I woke up and my clothes were soaked in the shower and I was wearing a Ghostbusters uniform. I'm shocked she hasn't left me yet.
I feel like i made up for not being able to drink on St Pattys Day, Mardi Gras, and last years Cinco De Mayo. That hungover.
I just woke up and shes still asleep next to me with her vibrator inside her and on. Whats normal protocol for this situation?
Reason #57 I am going to fail the bar... it's Tuesday and i'm drunk at Toy Story 3.
Puked in my laptop case in the middle of my nutrition class.
She's hidden vodka up her skirt and is riding a parking meter. Things can only get better
He kicked in the door just as I climbed on top of him...and stood there. I felt like I was in a porn. It was invigorating.
Watermelon juice. Makes everything better. Gin. Wine. EVERYTHING.
Best walk of shame ever. Wearing a bright purple onesie, covered in smudged childrens make up, carrying my shoes and 1/4 sac of goon. I swear every house I walked past had an elderly couple watering their garden just to watch me
Sometimes you have a glimmer of a heart and then I immediately remember you are dead inside.
stop falling asleep in the bathtub. you are not a movie star, you cannot die that way.
I am so disappointed that he didn't steal a Christmas tree last night.
Do not, I repeat, DO NOT uncuff him no matter how much he begs. He knows what he did.
I wasn’t trying, but work got a lot easier and more fun once he starred flirting with me and looking at my ass
Randomize
