just drove past a church sign that said "jesus got 'er done" ... welcome to the south
i just put all of my beerlympics medals into my academic awards box. i would say they are my greatest achievement since college.
My bullwhip has saved my life tonight and gotten me laid. I'm gonna be Indiana Jones every Halloween!
Nobody has seen her in 3 days. Should we call the cops or hope this is just another drunk Carmen San Diego game she's playing?
Gees I domt know what your deal was. You kept looking at Nick and shaking your head frantically and doing a weird motion with your hands
Tgat was the small dick alert
We should give each other good-luck-on-your-finals head in the morning.
Just so you know my hand is still healing from where you drunkenly clawed me last Saturday
I was at the pharmacy picking up my herpes medication and the pharmacist asked if I had any questions about my medicine, looked at the bottle, and laughed. Insult to injury man.
Last night apparently I said "I need a break" and then I just passed the fuck out for 3 hours
im watching blue is the warmest color at the music box and this dude is literally masturbating 3 feet in front of me
I'll only sleep there if we can bone on your balcony.
Well I didn't get a shacker shirt but I somehow managed to come home with superman socks
I just watched two birds fight or fuck. It was crazy. Another bird was watching closer and I know that bird understood what was happening better than me.
Probably not. Getting pulled over and puking my guts out on the side of the road in front of the cop and him making fun of me, was not my finest moment. Plus I lost my debit card.
I mean, I'm not hammered, but I definitely can't show my face or tits in that bowling alley again
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