We just spray painted his balls while he is passed out....I cant wait to see him try to figure this out in the morning.
how drunk are you?
What does that even mean anymore?
and on the fourth day, god made foam parties.
She has puke in her hair, is missing a shoe and is now crying. People trust her to be their child's teacher
How is it possible that I am in a completely different city, and there are 2 dudes here that I've banged? How????
No matter how drunk I am or how drunk I'll ever be I love you
you did that thing you do when youre drunk where you rant about bruce springsteen, start hooking up with someone and then pass out midway through
I was standing in my mom's kitchen in only my neon green thong, eating pizza over the garbage can, and sobbing while he was yelling at me.
Why did I wake up to a snap chat of myself drinking beer out of a blender?
I swear to the sweet baby jesus I didn't fill your freezer with salsa and my little pony toys, but I didn't stop them either.
My cardio is walking around the office looking for free food.
Have you ever been so drunk you pass out in the cab and everyone goes inside and forgets about you? I have
It's 2016 and I'm somehow banging the milkman.
Its okay I found my bra. ...it was on your cat. I wont ask questions.
I don't have a cat..?
I wanna get to the point where I can just send a question mark and get an exclamation point in response
Randomize
