Who did Billy Mays play for?
i was so high that i was eating crumbs of my bed only to realize they were fuzz thingies. fml.
I love how you send me nude pics of girls you're fucking and name them by which city they're in instead of their name. "This is Nashville, this is Tupelo, this is Jackson..."
I wish my dick could take responsibilities for his own actions
Sorry about all the noise last night. We were trying to break bottles by kicking soccer balls at them. If it's any consolation, there's shattered glass and blood all over my kitchen.
Besides asking our teacher if he enjoyed being fisted did I have any other tragic moments last night?
He just grabbed my boob and justified it by saying "I just wanna feel your heart beat"
We HAVE another bedroom, it's not like I was gunna chain you into the closet. Often.
If I had 3 wishes one would for sure be a designated driver for life that gives hand jobs.
If you hear a loud thud and smell ozone, I may have been electrocuted.
We were taking body shots by lunch. I love college.
It's hard to talk dirty with a mouth full of peanut butter
Once upon a time I threw up in my own hands last night.
I can't dude. Last time I was there, I blew the bartender in the bathroom at last call.
Her hot older sister walked in on us, looked me up and down, then stared straight at her and said "I call sloppy seconds on this one" then left. I'm still debating on how I feel about that.
Randomize
