I'm sorry, but there's just something about mesh over nipples that irks me.
He plays me like an instrument...he is the Carlos Santana of my vagina.
We should see who can shotgun a beer faster over iPhone FaceTime
not to mention it took an hour of antique roadshow to calm my dick down
he asked you how you felt and you yelled "I FEEL SO PROACTIVE!" and started coloring with sharpies
No it's okay, we're just driving to random places with the portable stripper pole and causing a ruckus.
Oh that's normal
Once you mention butt plugs, conversations always take a turn for the worst.
The original plan involved fireworks and a lot more dildos but the new one is still okay.
You'll pass into the great gay beyond
Where it rains cosmopolitans and scantily clad gogo dancers of all genders direct traffic
Just hooked up my fuck buddy with a job working for my dad...this can only end bad.
Haha I wasn't coming anyway. I'm watching Snow White and don't want to put pants back on. Those are completely unrelated. Have a good night.
so i showed up to the bars in a sombrero and a tie as a headband... so yeah, they didn't let me in
Relax
It's hard to relax when a woman is waxing your asshole.
My fire has petered out without you
My Peter has fired out without you
That might be the most romantic thing you’ve said to me, unfortunately.
Who knew removing piercings would be so radical?
Randomize
