I just passed one of the bars and saw my mom kissing another woman. This can't be good....right?
Knowing your life, probably not.
does it bother you that i swallowed like millions of your unborn children
actually, i try not to think about it
and i pooped them out
I sent him a pic of my tits.. All he said was, "oh your sun burn"
You said your dick dragged you up the stairs
i drank out of my shoe...were you seriously expecting me to be the voice of reason?
He burnt a smiley face into the screen with a cigarette, peed in my tub and then tried to take off his pants. tried...
I have too much pride to pick his chest hair out of my mouth again
i think that after ALREADY drinking that much, the tube shots may have been a bad idea.. i mean afterall, i did wake up and find my cell phone IN the bonfire the next morning.
To tired for the bar. Came home and drank wine out of the bottle. Kind of don't want to know what that says about my life.
You screamed "I NEED TO GET THE WHOLE SET!" and then proceeded to try touching everyone's balls in the room
TOPLESS DRIVE THRU! I have no money and my dignity is at an all time low.
Oh my god I would go to planned parenthood the same day I get my nipples pierced
I told him I had the birth control implant in my arm and he looked me in the eyes, said "Science!" and came in me
we had sex while we waited for the thai food... a which will come first type of situation
Idk if my headache is from the alcohol, the pot brownies, or being dragged down 8 flights of stairs by my ankles because i passed out in the 12th floor girls bathroom by you. Probably a combo of all three.
Randomize
