In similar news, my cock is bigger than the plane that landed in the hudson.
your room smells of hookers.
And success
I got so high that I decided to drive with my knees on the way home. Where am I going in life?
Nowhere
last time I sleep in the lobby. woke up to some girl asking me what floor I lived on. somebody put me, couch included, on the elevator.
Haha im Trying. This detox stuff tastes nasty. It's bad when the only thing that came to mind when i took the first sip was how good it would be with Vodka
Ah, I knew it wouldn't be long before my boobs were introduced into the conversation.
Just so we're on the same page, we cannot have been the first people to have ever thought about shooting that guy with crossbow
You high fived me for banging your sister but lock me outta house bc I ate your pumpkin pie? Priorities bro
She said I walked up to the McDonalds counter and ordered just a cup full of pickles then proceeded to offer some to everyone in the place.
Well I disagree, 3 different men in my bed over my birthday was the perfect way to say goodbye to my childhood innocence
she looked at me completely serious and said "orgasms are 15% Stronger during a hurricane" and started to take all her clothes off
IM SO HIGH RIGHT NOW, IM WHAT ROCKET MAN WANTED TO BE WHEN HE GREW UP. ELTON JOHN CAN BLOW ME.
We could have a classy candlelight sonic dinner with fireball cocktails if you leave now. Twat tickler centerpieces.
I tried to find an emoji but none convey my excitement for receiving good sex soon
How’s big weiner McGee?
I’m going to ask you one last time to call him Matt and he’s fine thank you very much
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