He passed out while I was riding him, and just when I was about to call it quits he opens his eyes and squeezes my boobs and goes Honk! Honk!
he's from indiana, of course he's clueless about "g-spots"
I was in bed at 845. Affairs take a lot out of people
If I had a penis, I would stick it EVERYWHERE. I don't know what these guys are doing.
I feel like you pissing on my ping pong table isn't something to be proud of.
Honestly... isn't she a psych major? how does she go through life NOT realizing that everything she does is a cry for help?
my roommate just showed me the scar on her forehead... that she got from a shake weight... That. just. happened.
Was having a panic attack, but I'm out of xanax. Substituting with vodka shots and breathing exercises. My therapist will be proud, yes?
Can't wait to hear which one of you won the 'fuck a bigger geek' contest last night. Queen Amidala vs Lara Croft. See you at breakfast.
When do you want to get tanked and forget our entire college education?
...I'm not a booty call or a pizza...you can't just call/text and expect to be eating me in an hour..
I keep finding Kraft singles in his pockets. Honestly, this is the weirdest family I've ever worked for.
Why does your place smell like gin and misery?
I prefer to think of it as 'ode to single life'
I did a trust fall off the bar and then almost got into a knife fight over a push up competition. Just another Tuesday.
It's difficult to focus on bonds when you know your classmate peed in your mouth
Randomize
