Your mom has a birthmark right next to her nipple
That's what happens when you let Keystone Light make your decisions.
You owe me 10 bucks. He wasnt in jail. Found him at 530 this morning when the smoke alarm went off. He passed out naked in the middle of cooking bacon. No idea where he was before that.
gettin pulled by a cop with a camera crew. gonna flee. want my 15 min of fame on cops.
Recording ancient aliens and the third Reich. Stoned you will thank me later.
I got used. This is the happiest day of my life. I was just a huge cock and that is all she needed.
Idk wtf I would do on a date. I thought wed passed that stage at least for a while. Nowadays dates should consist of blackouts and shameful mistakes.
he fell down during beer pong and the chick told him to rub the sand out of his pussy and suck it up. i am in love
Dude, you chugged an entire bottle of tomato sauce and got us free drinks for the night. No way was I gonna stop you.
He got completely naked and is now just standee there next to my bed poking at my hamster. Why can't I get sex the normal way.
Please come and rip my uterus out before it does it itself
Oh that could end badly if you get them mixed up.. you know who I think you should focus on?? THE ONE WITH THE BIG BLACK COCK, just sayin
I told my grandmother all I want is a nice guy who likes to be tied up.
He's still short.... And probably a douchebag. But if we ever run into him downtown I fully encourage you to take him home and have "I hate you douchebag" sex and lick every inch of that disgustingly toned chest.
I used an explanation of Walking Marriages in the Mosuo Culture to successfully negotiate an open relationship. That Anthropology degree is finally starting to pay off.
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