They had miseltoe over the keg.... thats cheating
I think whatever his name is just puked on the stairs. Just an fyi for the morning. Love you.
As punishment for throwing up on my car, I am holding your phone hostage until the morning. You can read this message after I drop it off.
You told me you loved me after I brushed your teeth with my index finger.
My ex was here I looked him in the eyes when I grabbed some other guy by his belt and dragged him to a room
My roommate took my designated hickey removing spoon out of the freezer.
Someone had written "Boxmonsterette" on the bathroom wall and I just knew you'd been here.
Still not sure if my open-bar-week-long-trip to Cuba is the best idea as a congratulations-for-my-sober-february-challenge. My liver might just explode and give up.
He's short and fat and honestly I think he's what my self esteem was made for
In other news, last night I told somebody they made eczema look so good they should call it sexzema.
His dad and I had a drunk conversation about life. At 4 am he told me that I was 21 and cute and should fuck whoever I want.
Dude, I woke up with wet dollar bills in my boxers where did you take me???
After you finished the $300 bottle of wine you just started crying about how if Mulder and Scully didn't invite you to join the x-files your life would be meaningless because you "love that weird shit"
We decorated the tree, drank wine, and he went down on me with Christmas music on in the background. Christmas IS coming.
Vagina status: the swelling is going down.
Randomize
