Things I find upon waking: a gay man, a straight girl both clad in web bathing suits, a full bathtub, an empyt bottle of jamesons at the bottom and a scuba mask
Any girl that compares her vag to a hot ham sandwich is beyond a slut
If youre the one that ate my brownies this morning I only have two things to say to you
Those had pot in them
And good luck on your interview asshole
I'm hoping you can explain why I woke up with what I believe is pumpkin pie all over my body
I just used an app to identify a song that was playing in the background of a porno. May god bless your soul steve jobs.
It'll be just me and my penis against the world.
he built a boat made of joints. holyyy shit
We are doing handstands and somersaults in the pool. With an inflatable beer pong table and our regular beer pong table. We're ponging by land and by sea
The sad thing was my husband told her its ok to make out with me. Bar Tuesdays will live on regardless.
is one penis in the hand worth one better nicer penis in the manscaped bush?
Side note, from now on any snap chat I get that isn't interesting enough... Is getting a dick in response. Judge your snaps accordingly
I'm drinking coffee out of a pasta sauce jar and eating fruit soaked in Smirnoff. I think I've hit rock bottom.
We broke into the kitchen, stole cooking aprons, and wore them on the dance floor.
you weren't there so I had to flirt with him on your behalf
I'm way too sober and people are way too heterosexual
Randomize
