Whoa!!! Accidentally took a dump in chick's bathroom at Red Robin. 1 hr for coast to be clear. Women's farts sound like geese taking last breath. Liars.
i just had a dream that i could control how black Will Smith was with a remote.i need to stop sleeping with the TV on
I dunno. It's not as good as 'devourer of cocks' but I suppose few things are.
I'm going to call you, don't answer. Need to practice moaning to your answering machine again
Im rolling face in a pizzeria. I want to be with people who love me.
You just kept screaming "PLEASE YELL CORNDOG AT HIM. PLEASE. CORNDOG."
I should rephrase... I'm trying to not sit on other peoples faces besides my boyfriends.
Only I could get hit on by homophobic straight guys in a drag bar.
YOU GAVE HIM A BLOWJOB ON YOUR DOORSTEP?!
When we pulled over so you could pee, you made us stand over you and "make a roof"
That seems dangerous to buy acid from a stranger on craigslist
I just masturbated at work... Don't know why but I thought you should know
I left him naked in his bed. I did cover his junk with a blanket in case his roommate walked in later though. so I don't feel as bad about it.
I woke up with a chicken in my yard
Do you not remember hopping the fence into a chicken coop and screaming "choot em'"like you were on swamp people?
No recollection, can you come help me shut this thing up
i was so proud for not passing out at the same time as usual. i screamed that i had a "new personal best!" then some jackass explained daylight savings.
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