Remember when you weren't going to be a shit show?
I think my goal in life now is to be a Trending topic on Twitter after I die.
just got a girls number while on a 5 am adderall cig break this is college at its finest
You'll be happy to know that I did indeed fracture my rib in a sex related injury
he needs to hurry and make his mind up... i mean i can't keep getting peed on by a guy who isn't even my boyfriend
We are going to be Siegfried and Roy for Halloween and you are going to be the tiger.
wine pong. its mother daughter day and i think she's mad. I smell like jager
I tried to talk to him, but he didn't recognize me at first. I had to show him the top of my head and then he remembered.
Just brought out that old CCM hockey helmet. The one covered in sharpie penises with "DRUNK BUCKET" written across the front. The number of tally marks / initials from tonight's drunk stunts alone is equal parts inspiring and alarming.
Should I be concerned that the new guy I'm seeing just referred to my stealing a sailboat in college while drunk as "wholesome"?
I feel slightly un-patriotic right now... I just got cock blocked by the Air Force!
I am so so sorry I bit your butt last night. Twice.
The amount of illegal things I've done this weekend is astounding.
This girls ass literally just fell out of her jeans in front on me on the escalator. Going commando on a Monday morning is a bold move.
I’ve jerked off three times and taken five shits already today. Being hung over in your 40’s is a fucking roller coaster.
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