Dude, I woke up at my ex's house. I am spooning her half naked roommate. There is a pizza on my shoulder. I need you to come pick me up.
just caught grandpa beating off in the living room
my roommate just caught me washing a dildo in the sink.
i just ate an entire onion plain. all alone. i have never felt more single in my life
He's coming over, and I hope he doesn't get hungry. I'm sure its not proper protocol to bring one booty call to another booty call's house for the munchies.
ATTENTION ALL CONTESTANTS OF SLUTFEST 2012 ; not only will we be judging on how many penis you have sucked but also girth and length will be calculated. If you are found lying you will be disqualified. Remember your fellow participants will be rendering the same services to probably the same people. So choose wisely and let the games begin!
I broke up with him in the bar & then asked him if he wanted to have a contest to see who gets the most numbers. I say I took that break up well
And by "hammer out the details" you know I mean spending 20 minutes on wedding plans then getting wine drunk, right?
So the keyword here is "hammered"?
it's almost 8pm and i'm still hungover. at what point do i alert someone?
My only regret this past weekend is abusing only 3 substances when I could have done so much more.
I'm filtering his penis picture so I can see it better
He held my hair back for me while i vomited in my driveway last night and i repayed him by farting mid-heave.
it's unicorns you uncultured swine
His abs are so defined he looks like a human xylophone.
you drug him to get him horny then deny him sex. freaks.
Randomize
