I'm about two and a half drinks away from gay.
I'm coming over.
I wanted to google "huge banana" but I'm pretty sure all I'd get is dick pictures.
It was like a little tadpole swimming in the big ocean.
Its a three day weekend with Valentines day thrown in... Im obligated to get drunk
I hate when people I sell to add me on Facebook. I'm your dealer, not your friend, C'mon people.
I need to shower. I still have paint on me from the homeless guys
How in the hell did I take a shot of whiskey to the eyeball last night?
They got their marriage license when they were at the courthouse for her arraignment.
Seriously wondering if smoking a bowl for lunch was a bad idea.
OR THE BEST. STAY TUNED.
i know i said i'd always be there for you, but i'm beginning to think that what you call "being there for me" the american judicial system calls reckless endangerment.
I am 100% planning on being drunk on Wednesday. This is America. Work or no work.
Rule of thumb; if you ask me if my tits are fake you will not get to touch them.
The drunk fake out is her specialty. She'll agree to come with us and two seconds later we check to make sure she's still there and we see her booking it down the hall in the opposite direction.
don't worry about my dad. he just hates you because you're liberal, not because we're fucking.
im not letting a little injury get in the way of my alcoholic/drug problems. we ARE getting turnt tonight.
Randomize
