All I want to do right now is burp, puke, and fart. In that order.
Dude, she knew her leg was on fire and she kept dancing. Bad-fucking-ass.
we were naked in his bed and he told me all about what a "baller" alexander the great was.
Someone shat in the 1st floor west girls hall. Literally SHAT in the hallway
That's what she gets for taking his peeps.
I just saw her take the entire bowl of lime wedges from the bar and pour them all in her purse, and now using the empty bowl as a hat. Waiting for security to come and throw her ass out.
we left the music on while we were fucking. some kanye west song started playing and he started to cry
Guess I was throwing darts at a patrons head last night, lol! Black out
2:23 am. Im just at McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, paying in nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
2:26 am. Im just being thrown out of McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, without my nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
1. so the new neighbor u called dibs on.. I'm sorry..but not really. 2. She lactates, I guess that happens when you have a kid less then 5 months ago.... WTF!! 3. Is it fucked up I'm craving Ceral & Milk now?
I just swiped right for a guy on Tinder solely because it looked like he was holding Zoboomafoo
After dropping your phone on the ground you got down and sat with it, kissed it and apologized for being so mean
Stoner thoughts are the only thoughts I want to have now.
She just. Cock slapped me. With string cheese.
this dude is way too smart. he just explained to me the different scientific components of drugs while we smoked. i said i loved icecream.
no, it was more of an i-don't-think-he-even-knows-what-a-clitoris-is, bad.
Randomize
