Doing final review now. Then epic shit. Then going to take it. Should start it be 1030. Done by 2. Drunk by 3. Hammered by 4. Blacked out by 5. Streaking by 6. Jail sometime after that
See it, we're so close, i smell your vagisil
well I mean we knew we had more drinkers than runners, so we had a "case race for the cure" for relay for life instead of an actual marathon. day drinking and philanthropy. can't go wrong.
well i had to explain to their mom why the kids i babysit for won't stop repeating the phrase "nice juicy guido"
I'm sorry I put you in the washing machine. I honestly thought you would fit.
I was tackling you out of excitement
Yeah thank goodness the stripper pole was there to break my fall.
Have you seen Dave? He's not on top of the bar anymore but I found his shirt.
All I remember is intermittent flashes of being passed out on the side of the road 3 or 4 different times. And telling him to just leave me there and I would walk home in the morning.
Plus now I feel weird sleeping with you. It's like shooting a three legged deer. It's already at a disadvantage and couldn't get what it's full potential deserves.
I feel so nauseous and all I want is string cheese. My life never makes sense.
It's like God tapped him on the shoulder and said "You are now capable of giving world shattering, tear jerking head."
I was angry that a college kid had a new Audi
so I peed on it
I've come to realize that I need a break from life when I just tried to use my address numbers as the cook time on the microwave
All I wanted was a couple of orgasms before work, is that too much to ask?!
Accidentally typed message to mom that included word "kink." FML. Played it off as autocorrect from "drink" which was somehow more acceptable
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