It's like a choose-your-own-adventure. But the adventure is already chosen for you. And it sucks.
i went to throw her on my bed and threw her straight in to my bike
I think I should have my paycheck direct deposited to the bar
No, I didn't like him that much. But I took one for the team. And by the team I mean me and my vagina.
LOVE ME LIKE A KANGARO LOVES A POUCH YOU DUMB CUNT
There seems no grander way to celebrate 420 than to smoke atop a mountain peak.
He motorboated me, gave me a business card that said congratulations on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
I was wearing my get used bookstore shirt when we fucked. Ironic yet appropriate.
I had a flashback of using my sock as a napkin after we got taco bell
I see your boobs were ready to greet the new year.
No more bourbon. Sleep now. I may die. Pray for me.
I'm shaking a cocktail while in bed. Is that bad?
I only spent $42 at the bar last night, it's some sort of miracle.
you do remember it was dollar beer night, right?
That answers my next five questions
If one more person says Merry Christmas to me I’m going to take a pen out of my pocketbook and stab them in the eye
you woke up this morning in a laundry basket, only wearing rainboots.
Randomize
