smell like capt'n and strawberry champagne
You think if I promise to behave for the rest of my life, god will let me fuck her on the regular?
I love how all these freshman girls think that they can wear what they wore last summer... freshman 15 at its skankiest
I knew her barely 30 minutes before we got naked. This whole fraternity thing is starting to grow on me...
well isn't that the pot calling the kettle a make out whore
i found two dead squirrels on my front step this morning.. do you think they have something to do with my missing phone?
It'll be just me and my penis against the world.
Freshman Move In Day, its like Christmas in August.
Dude, how the hell did you become an RA?
I figured it out. If I have at least 4 shots of vodka before I start my day, EVERY day will be a good day.
there is vodka in my soul right now. The vapor is coming out my nose.
And is it bad that I haven't talked to guys who I haven't already dated? I feel like a recycle bin.
My wife climbed on top of me, fucked my brains out, and gave me money from the ATM. I'm living the dream.
Also that boy who jizzed in me wearing Cowboy boots and a plaid shirt snapped me at 4 am and said "I owe you a dinner. Sorry"
I feel like I should send her I'm sorry I've been fucking your boyfriend flowers.
Grabbed the cop's ass and he still arrested Heather instead. Victory is mine!!
Randomize
