My grandmass entire neighborhood is over for dessert and i'm high as fuck...about to make a couple of freshman boys real uncomfortable
Freshman in high school? Just your type
So befoe we go on this mission how reliable are you for bailing peope out of jail
He held me the entire night. Not endearing kind of way. Like kidnapping or held hostage kind of way.
i just had to hear from a third party that he came inside of me
did she really put a helmet on, try to make a hole in the wall then pass out on the floor ten minutes later? if thats true ill be there in 15
Apparently I tried to convince him to sleep with me by showing him that I could do dips....
It's hard to be judgmental of others when you are wearing silver pleather.
its like my brain is a tree and you are those little cookie elves
I tried to break it off with the married one. He offered to pay off my car.
The side bitch struggle is real.
I can't remember the last time I saw a penis in person that I didn't see a million times on text first
you're welcome to come here, except my beds from ikea so it's more unstable than i am
It's really life affirming to be at a wedding thinking wow I took your husbands virginity
Did you mean to say flashlight? Or did your grandpa really give you a fleshlight for your bday?
i just want a beer and a blow job. is that so much to ask?
and i just want a ring so i can stop faking it. is that?
Also, in case they didn’t tell you… there is a chicken living in your old room… so I would assume cleaning that is now on them
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