even after i explained my bobby knight costume the bartender still kicked me out for throwing the chair
I'm someone's dream girl. I'm hungover in this guy's bed wearing ONLY a Brian Westbrook jersey. Not the same I was on a date with last night.
I'm having post traumatic stress flashbacks of last night. That big. Don't know whether to call him again or change my name...
I can't be drunk. Sober yes. Drunk no. Spoonfuls
So much for not drinking this week after this weekend.. Congratulations. U made it until tuesday.
his apartment was in a funeral home, walk of shamed through a visiation in the skankiest outfit i own
5am update: in a toga seeing triple made out with both sexes
Just had an old man tip me two dollars and say "here put this in your baby fund, you'll have a baby someday" I swear this is gods way of saying GET ON BIRTH CONTROL NOW!
I'm about to airblow my boyfriend. I'll three-way you.
we gave you a glass of water and you just started yelling: TWO STRAWS, PATS AN ENGINEER HE'LL FIGURE IT OUT
Well yeah connect the two together, then you can lay down and drink.
I may or may not have just hot boxed a backhoe on the construction site of a police station that's being rebuilt..
So by "wait for me" do you think he meant "Don't have sex with random dentists?"
Conference sex doesn't count if the dentist doesn't know your name.
If I die it's either cuz I undercooked my burger or because I used questionable cheese. I have no pants on, so if there's a wellness check, you go in first.
Oohh. Then yes, he is the Alpha Fuckboy.
We sexted for four hours straight. Is this really what my life has come to?
Randomize
