i'm eating jello out of a teacup with a fork. awesome?
$1.99 mimosas n bloodys til 3. Happy hour starts at 4. We're gonna ride the mechanical bull to kill the hour inbetween.
Please take video.
we tried to pick out bridesmaid dresses with pockets so we could sneak flasks in with us. what the fuck is the point of a dry wedding?
He passes out, I smoke his kush. All's fair in love and a disappointing lack of sex.
oh and then you called a time out with your penis
Aaaaand I just watched him face plant in front of the taxi. This is why we don't invite him to margarita night.
vodka bottle broke. scooping it out of the plastic tub with a shot glass into a sprite bottle using a ziplock bag as a funnel and straining the glass out with paper towels. good thursday night?
Do your friends by chance have our inflatable deer head?
Nevermind, it's in the dryer.
I mean really it's like when you're super hungry and you can't decide what to eat, you just know you want food. This is that situation, but for my vagina
well I was pissed. first he yelled at me for having my own condoms, then he got mad when they didn't fit him. Dude, I only fuck magnum men.
It's a given that you're going to get peed on at a country concert
I'm just going to lay in a blanket cocoon of self pity for the next few months.
So far I've taken two naps, went out and bought a pizza called the Hipster, and in 15 min I'm gonna make a snow angel. Conquering Snowlandia. How bout you?
You spent the whole night conversing with your zombie poster, so I'd say you were pretty far gone.
The last time I went out with these guys I won an iced tea maker from a drag queen.
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