He just told me his cousin just died and I look like her. Reconsidering the sex.
exactly what part of this weekend seemed like a good idea?
I feel great
I just peed on a car
I want to be a jewelry store heckler. "Hey man, is she really worth it"
They told me I stole 50 buns and a bottle of mayo and would whisper in their ears to look under my shirt to see what was for breakfast... benefit of starting to drink at 9 am
Im deleting that text because its a possible ncaa violation
No, I got those cupcakes fair and square. That homeless man should have known not to underestimate the determination of a stoned chem student.
I'm amazed your boyfriend is still with you, how do you manage to pee on him while he is holding you in his lap?
Just had the best random sex ever with a girl I picked up from a pro choice rally uptown. God bless the Democratic National Convention.
Right. Will do. I'll call you if I need a ride. (that is a double meaning, go with it.)
She called it a palate cleanser. She and her friend dike it out once a year before returning to dick
Together or do they pick up? How far do they go? IS AN AUDIENCE PERMITTED? GODAMIT ANSWERS MAN!!!!!!
Interesting occurrence: the application I use to keep track of my periods and sexual encounters just notified me it had been over 4 months since you were logged as an active partner and ask if I'd like to remove you from my options. Wow, kmsl.
he's the only real guy friend I've had who I've never made out with
How’s the date going?? Do you think he’s gonna cut your face off and wear it to his birthday party?
Dude, I just masturbated with my cat sleeping on my boobs....
You have GOT to get this crazy cat lady thing under control. I'm finding you a man. And you'll take him, and thank me. After that text, you have no right to be picky.
Randomize
