Not sure what happened last night, but there are four mini bikes outside and some guy is wearing my shirt passed out in the breakfast nook. Won't be telling the grand kids about this one.
i feel like after you turn 30 you aren't supposed to black out anymore
I'm so drunk I cant read cursive anymore.
its like my vagina has this homing beacon out to all the guys saying "come find me, i havent been shaved in weeks"
I love how adderall is equivalent to money on a college campus. just got a ride home and paid the driver in adderall...yeeah buddy
I should start riding the bus again so I can drink all day
It's like I opened a door and behind it lay mythical creatures sprinklin fairy dust upon the land leading me to a pot of gold. And that gold is some delicious cock.
I caught them hiding behind a car trying to have sex.
DONT EVER DUNK OREOS INTO WINE . NEVER
When he was fat he reminded me of my high school best friend and I just wanted to hug him and hug him. Also, he's funny and humor is the fastest way into my pants after Doctor Who and liquor.
You are not going to get a pat on the back from me for not fucking that 40 year old again.
DROP EVERYTHING! Gatta go get tested for herpes, lets make an adventure out of it.
So, left this guys house wearing a #1 Grandpa shirt and I think this is the best sex score I've ever had.
He said that we couldn't refer to each other as brother and sister anymore cuz we were in no way related and he would love nothing more than to get naked with me.
Ooooh no. Jesus take the wheel, or Moses. SOMEBODY TAKE THE WHEEL
Randomize
