between no blow jobs for the rest of his life, or no cheese for the rest of his life, he chose no blowjobs. ive never felt so bad about my bj abilities before
she took out her dip, threw up, and put it back in. it was like a scene from Nick and Nora's trip to the trailer park.
Apparently my gaydar only works on americans. Frenchie capris has two topless chicks in our kitchen making him breakfast.
After he called me a "spirited little girl" I realized that I need to stop sleeping with guys more than ten years older than me.
At least my fat-chick-ratio has not been that bad this semester ...
ughh I puked about 4 times on metro, no one seems to like the cool design I made on my shirt
It's been hot as balls outside. It's like getting tea bagged by the Sun.
we're meeting twins and drinking tequila. i love life
Are you awake? Because I would like to know whether or not I should refrain from giving my evil laugh when I enter the apartment...
So how was your new years? Did u ride a horse at 3am in zero degree weather? Because I sure did
Am I not being subtle enough by giving him a rainbow striped bong, during PRIDE MONTH?
Does your drug dealer have a printer I can use??
the insurance claim form from last night says foreign object removal from genitourinary tract so as far as the insurance company knows, it could have been a gerbil
No, no... It was great. I feel like my liver took a vodka shower and washed it's hair with pabst
I got conspiracy theory drunk.
Randomize
