It was like a mary poppins bag, except a sexual mary poppins bag.
no more hot dogs for you........
fine no more vajj for you
i think i just witnessed the elusive male walk of shame
That can be our thanksgiving, vodka and cornbread. Just like the pilgrims.
Some bum walked up and watched me getting head last night for like 5 mins before I noticed him
I found my underwear on the sidewalk 8 blocks from her house while on my walk of shame. I also found our beer bag and a full beer in the bush.
I consider myself an expert at getting drunk and embarrassing people at weddings.
If you come home and I'm pantsless with cake smeared all over my face, I'm sorry.
No seriously, I don't care if you just sucked God's dick. I have had a better Fat Tuesday than you
Getting high in the car with mom and the aunts during intermission for drag queen bingo. Details later.
we just drove past a kid stuck in a tree what a wonderful time to be alive
it went well until I said "me" instead of "my" and he kept sexting me in character as a pirate
WHY IS THE HAIRSPRAY SOUNDTRACK PLAYING IN THE LIQUOR STORE
The fact that you got a stranger guy to buy you a pizza off tinder makes me feel amazing
no we just smoked too much weed and listened to the tarzan soundtrack. phil collins is amazing
Randomize
