porn star on stage now. Get unkicked out.
sober me hid the cigs from drunk me. sober me is a tricky bitch.
just got carried INTO the bar by 4 people. it's like watching my weekend in reverse.
Also, I just saw a woman change into her stripper outfit in the bathroom at Target.
the cops didn't wanna shut the tailgate down but the strippers weren't allowed to take money without a license or somthing
You couldn't stand up so I took you home, took off your makeup, put you to bed then shaved off your eyebrows. I so nearly won the responsible adult prize.
Yes. I am getting trashed on an open tab while judging a karoke competition
Impressive. I approve.
Two dudes. Loud music. Dancing shirtless possibly naked. Why would I ever need cable?!
There's a very drunk Asian strawberry shortcake crying on the curb next to my truck. I'm not really sure what standard protocol is for this situation.
ATTENTION PENIS' OF BURLINGTON: I AM COMING FOR YOU
sooo the guy I beat last night in strip pong is the manager's husband at my new job...
It's Christmas. You could splurge on something a LITTLE fancier than wine in a box.
I think I swiped left on my soulmate
I was on antibiotics for a bladder infection and couldn't drink and you told me there was no longer room in your life for me.
It seems that Coffee is the true alpha male.
Randomize
