I don't think cute and don't forget to get tested belong in the same text
i dont care if i have to wear a pillow case, there will be an open bar at my wedding
It didn't get weird until she took off her underwear, looked down, and said "fill her up!"
"thanks for the sex" was written in lipstick on my bathroom mirror. i'm officially done with random hook ups.
I'm hiding her cosmo magazine. the only sex tip she needs is to not handcuff her boyfriend to her roommates bed and lose the key
I almost itched my nose with the lit end of a cigarette. Help.
Our friendship would be less complicated if your dad didn't think I was forcing you into having gay sex with me
Yea I almost drowned giving a BJ in the shower once
She asked the bartender for "7 shots of something fruity" and long story short the bartender punched me in the face. Chivalry is stupid.
If you send me one more .gif of that fumble, I will make the 10 hour drive just to set you on fire.
It's decided. Tomorrow I'm getting a Big Mac and a Dildo
I just had a visual of u banging and screaming at him at the same time.
i smell like vinegar and tequila i can feel the old people behind me judging
So he apologized for peeing on my floor.. then we fucked all night.
Real classy
My brother is coming home and he is bringing a whole bunch of friends with him. I am making him a cake. What should i put on it?
"Open for business" or "I have condoms" would probably work
Randomize
