Spotted: forty year old in red dress, cigarette in hand, squatting to pee by railroad tracks. Hello future.
the 3rd commandment: and god said, if you buy a handle.. you must finish it.
Mark is going to get hypothermia. he is shirtless eating snow bc he "doesnt want to be dehydrated" tomorrow. youre in charge.
so why are there three stressed gay men and a bowl of vomit in the smoke room?
I'm walking home wearing Kermit the frog footie pajamas, carrying a monogrammed shot glass set with my name on it. It's fucking Christmas!
All right cuz right now I'm in one of those moods where the shear thought of doing anything more strenuous than making a sandwich has me wanting to curl up in the feeble position and splash around in a puddle of my own tears.
my boss just offered me his leftover salvia im not sure if it was a trick question
If your mother gets up on the bar again, I will. The bouncer already had a talk with her earlier.
Oh FYI, people asked how/why I met you and I didn't want to say "drunk at a party on an air mattress" so I made a story up. It was a very cute and charming story with no alcohol.
The bros used their bong water as pong water but I walked in mid game and didn't know so they hit our first cup and I chugged it.
It's a little hazey but I think I tried to request Nelly last night. There was no dj. Not sure who I was talking to
Is it possible to hurt your vagina working out, because I think my Dumbass accomplished that... 😯😟😒😓
Do I even want to know?
He fucked me on the hood of my car outside his work, and now I'm paranoid that the doggie day care next door might have security cameras.
I made out with 4 out of 4 girls I was out with last night, I'm pretty sure everyone knows I'm a lesbian by now
You ever fart so hard it made you cum a little? A "friend of mine" wanted to know.
Randomize
