considering you've had every STD known to man, you think if i sent you a picture of my dick (no homo) you could tell me whats growing on it?
My T9 Word has dryhumped saved but I can't even get it to figure out bbq.
Dude...I'm drunk from Wednesday stilll.
Dude. She told me she felt bad for not giving me more blojobs. HOW COULD THAT HAVE GONE BETTER?
Howd you meet this guy?
I found him next to my pants on sunday morn.
Don't do anything you wouldn't want to explain to paramedics
But that's half the fun of it
I was looking at your puke while I was peeing in it the next morning and that ceasar salad did not treat you well
Just walked into the bar to find a guy in a Boba Fett helmet leaning casually against the wall, texting. This night just got real.
He never broke character while fucking me on the neighbor's lawn. I give him a 10 for his dedication to the British accent.
Well for better or worse the home brew is almost done, want to get drunk/loose your sight tonight?
I haven't been sober in 4 days.
Then be sober
No.
I hate being the only medical professional in the group. I always end up patching you guys or being the DD when I'm on call. I have problems I need to drown in booze too...
I'm dedicating this beer to drunk texting
My New Years resolution is to not hook up with random guys.
Mine is to not hook up with anyone who has a kid.
You were so drunk Last night you asked for your glasses so you could read the directions on a band aid
Randomize