david just texted me. reply with photo of genitalia? y/n
She passed out in my bed last night before anything happened. She felt really bad about that, so she gave me head when we woke up this morning.
Just because you're using the Hipstamatic app for your nude photo taking, it doesn't make your drunken blowjob pics any classier.
I'm too hungover to be in a fucking cow suit right now
Not sure if it is a new high or new low, but i left a basket on the porch of the sorority I woke up at. It had a description of the Minnie Mouse I woke up next to, and Plan B.
I've got my wine, though it wasnt very good so I threw a sour patch kid in it
we're meeting twins and drinking tequila. i love life
Dude, you like sabotaged my shower time by walking in and eating a snack pack on the toilet. That's messed up on levels that haven't even been created.
Just participated in the saddest thing: Cheetos. Handjob. I have lost at life
It's Saturday night and I'm getting shitfaced alone while reading Dino porn. Wassssuuuupppp
I threw a dessert topping at a baby tonight so drink up! If you stay sober tonight I will be very disappointed in you.
Phone keeps correcting good morning to "food moaning" and I like the way it thinks.
Hell no. Last time I used a Slip N Slide I ended up with bruised ribs, a broken fence and the hatred of a half naked girl with a sprained wrist.
I slept with my wedding DJ..... I think this means my life has come full circle
Are you aware that you called your mom to say hi before you dragged the random guy into bed last night?
Randomize
