conclusion of the day: americans need to get on tredmills, people need to learn how to flush toliets and learn how to pee in then instead of on them, and waiters shouldnt tell their life stories to customers.
Could a canary swim?
Last time I ever let you pet sit.
the Monday before Thanksgiving is not a Monday at all. Just Thursday in Monday suit.
You couldve had sex with 2 drunk chicks on an alligator slide.
I wish I could just thrust my cock straight into her new relationship.
The fact that when I blacked in you were sober enough to kick me out of your roommates bed makes me question our friendship.
It was like you were trying to communicate only you were using every letter of the alphabet but in no order and in a different language
She just cut the six pack plastic up and screamed "save the dolphins"..she also threw away cans of tuna. I like this girl.
This is Jewish guilt versus Irish Catholic guilt. We should tread carefully, or we could fuck up the space-time continuum or something.
I'm okay with that.
1) I'm a decent drunk texter. 2) My world is spinning. 3) I'll give you a dollar and a hug for a glass of water. 4) I love you. 5) Example: your penatrive ways are overwhelming my alternative lyfestyle. 6) That is all.
7) Noodle arms: engage
The example was me just using big words while hammered. You're welcome. Ambidextrious. I spelled it right.
Like I actually don't feel all that great but the fact that I'm not projectile vomiting at work makes life seem so magical
Was asked out on a date tonight on Linked In. That creepy genius at apple that touched my butt one time in the back stairwell. I thinks it's fair to say I've hit rock bottom.
But did u die
I found an onion in my purse
I woke up naked with a duck on my head. I think something went horribly wrong.
You remember my neighbor with the perfect ass? It's even better in assless chaps.
Randomize
